Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
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