I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
