You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
