I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
Randomize
