i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
So many bounce houses so little time
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
