i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
