"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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