so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
