and you said cock pushups were impossible
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
