____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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