my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
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