Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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