How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Damn victory sex feels great
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