i mean i cnt help that this campus has the highest STI rate
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
