i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Randomize
