3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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