2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
