I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
