Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
