I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize
