Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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