clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
