I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
