you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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