im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
