I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Princesses don't give blow jobs
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
