I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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