I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
Randomize
