Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
