i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
