there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
