the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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