the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
