Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
the night literally screamed "cock and ball torture"
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