whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
