watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
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