I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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