I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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