I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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