Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
