A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
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