yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
