I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Will exercising make me less horny?
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