do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
