Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
Randomize
