So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
the day after is always just damage control
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
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