I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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