A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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