Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
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