I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
