Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Randomize
