last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
