Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
