Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
