Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
